Robbie heard the slam of the car door and waited, hardly breathing. The kitchen door opened, and the three boys knew their mother was home. They also knew it was the last day of the school year, and wanted to shout with joy, but when she entered their room, there was something about her face that kept them quiet.

Robbie, the oldest boy, came over to his mother and put his arms around her, torn between happiness that they would be together and sorrow for her pain. "Now you can relax and forget about teaching for a while," he said, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice, as he stroked the sharp bones of her shoulder.

Her tears dropped on his face. Two months ago his father had suddenly died. Every night since, he heard his mother's dry sobs when she thought he and his brothers were asleep. She had taken only a short time off from her teaching responsibilities. Now they had the summer to try to pick up the pieces of their lives, or so he told his younger brothers, Joseph and Teddie.

His father had been big and strong. Every night he'd chase after the boys, give them his bear hug and lead them off to bed. I miss you Dad, Robbie thought, but he knew his mother felt alone and desperate, a part of her was gone. He promised himself that he would look after her. Not even his father had known the kind of bond he had with his mother. They communicated without words and told no one of this special ability. Sometimes her inner thoughts frightened him, but he couldn't tell her that. He heard her whisper between her tears, "My darling husband, I want to be with you. Loneliness washes over me when I think of facing the day."

Robbie realized she needed him more than ever. "Robbie dear," she had told him the night before. "Now you are the man of the family. Poor darling, you are only sixteen, but you have your Dad's gentleness and yes, even his strength."

He remembered his mother's tinkling laughter in response to his father's often weird remarks. Without a conscious reason to do so, he walked over to the kitchen cabinet where family treasures were placed in careful rows. One goblet in particular that his mother cherished had been a wedding gift, crystal that shone with a glow and sang out in a perfect note when gently tapped. Robbie tapped now with his pen and smiled for it indeed made the same silver tone as his mother's girlish laughter. When had he heard her laugh last?

He shut his eyes and willed himself to move back in time, concentrated hard and yes, there it was. "Oh my," she said, "you should have seen that silly little boy in my first grade class. He kept jumping and waving his arms over his head while the other children watched trying not to laugh. I was so annoyed I said in a very sharp tone, "Sit down, William, this very second!" To my amazement, he sat down so fast that he forgot he had no chair behind him. Oh my Lord, he just disappeared. I broke down and laughed so heard the tears came. Of course, all the other children giggled and joined him on the floor."

The laughter stopped when Robbie opened his eyes and shook his head to return to the present, still holding the goblet. Only his mother knew that his special powers could take him away from the norm. She warned him, "You don't want to frighten your little brothers nor worry your dad. Keep your powers for some special occasion."

The next morning his mother worked in the kitchen. "We are going for a picnic, a very special picnic," she said, but her smile tight against her teeth did not fit her words. She tucked her long blonde hair behind her ears. Her hands were shaking as she dropped some meat on the sandwich board before her, but her fingers snaked out to retrieve it and popped it into her mouth.

The boys kept silent as they found their usual places in the car, though they pushed and shoved as always. When they reached a point in a winding road, she stopped the car. Robbie and his brothers struggled out, each carrying picnic food stuffed into several brown shopping bags. Joseph tugged Robbie's arm and whispered, "Where are we going?" Robbie patted his head and whispered back, "Don't know. Maybe Mom has a surprise for us."

He glanced at his mother and saw in her place a tiny dove struggling to fly but falling back to earth. Over and over the bird stretched out broken wings that could not obey her pleas. Finally she let her head fall under her feathers and no longer moved.

Filled with sadness, Robbie found it hard to walk when his mother motioned to her sons to follow her. Teddie and Joseph clung to her hand as they climbed up an embankment, every now and then peeking up at her. When the boys wanted to examine a piece of gnarled wood or a glittering stone, she waited, her patience showing in her tired face. Robbie tried hard to slip into her thought. You have a plan, but I don't know what it is. Please talk to me, Mother. Usually this worked, but this time his mother shook her head so hard that her hair ended up in her mouth. For a minute Robbie thought she was going to chew on the stray hairs, so erratic were her movements.

Then, she motioned silently, and they all held hands again for the journey to the top. The warm sun made their upward trek difficult. But Robbie sensed that their mother would not sympathize with their complaints today. He told silly jokes to calm his brothers and make them laugh. "Tell a real spooky one," Joseph begged. "You tell stories even better than Dad." He stopped abruptly and held his hand over his mouth, glancing at his mother.

They finally reached to top of the hill and found a spot covered with sweet-smelling pine needles that Robbie thought was perfect for picnic lunches. "Oh boy, I'm sure glad we made it," Joseph said as he dropped to the ground, wiping the sweat away from his face. Teddie mimicked his tone and said, "Me too, and I'm so hungry I could eat a bear!" He quickly looked at the tall bushes all around them and moved closer to his mother.

Robbie, chewing on his lower lip and casting glances at the lines that made furrows down his mother's face, was afraid to question her choice of this special place. She must have been here before, he thought, perhaps with Dad. He remained quiet, hoping she'd give him some sign. When she did, his mind picked up the words, Be patient. Remember you are the man of the family now.

The boys looked puzzled as their usually neat mother dumped all the food onto the blanket she had spread out. "Thanks, Mom. You even remembered almond cookies," Joseph buzzed with delight. Robbie could see that despite her self-absorption, she had gathered the picnic foods with care, putting in remembered treats for each of her sons.

Watching his mother eat with a voracious appetite made Robbie worry. He hoped she would smile and relax her frenzied eating. "Let's leave some for the animals," he joked. She nodded but just kept pushing berries and almonds into her mouth, looking around for more. She even snatched one of Joseph's cookies despite his surprised protest, "You said you made them for me!"

Robbie knew her habit when she came home from school was to retire to a separate room to nibble and read--a ritual that no one was allowed to interrupt. But now she seemed nervous, like a starving animal anxious to grab every morsel. Over and over her tongue darted out to her lips and searched for any stray crumb, while her questing fingers picked up pieces of dropped bread or cheese and shoved them into her mouth.

Robbie remembered their family doctor had said, "Don't be too upset, son. Your mother will find a way to deal with the loss of your father." Maybe this strange journey was part of her attempt to assume his father's role. He picked a wild flower, twisted it into a tiny corsage and tucked into her blouse, rubbing her shoulder. She held his hand, then let it drop as she peered at the quiet shrubs.

Only Robbie saw the tiny white bird struggling to open its wings. This time she succeeded and flew into the sky as if searching for the warmth of the sun. Robbie's heart beat fast as he watched the little bird fly higher and higher. He was happy, but he didn't know why.

* * *

After they finished their lunch, their mother motioned to the boys to clear up all the leftovers and fold the bags. This reminder was reassuring to Robbie, who recognized his own careful neatness in his mother's command. Standing up then and smoothing her wrinkled skirt, she motioned her boys to her side, one at a time.

Taking each puzzled face in her hand, she gazed at them and then rested her lips on their foreheads in a long and gentle caress. One by one, she turned them away from her, commanding Robbie in a strangely deep voice to hold his brothers' hands and to retrace their steps down the mountainside. "You are old enough to drive my car home," she said.

He knew then that his mother would not return with them. Her voice reached out to him, "I will be all right. I need to be away from home for a short time." Because she trusted him to do her wishes, he nodded, straightened his shoulders and led his brothers down the path, pleased that he had understood her. He pulled his brothers' hands to make them run down the road, laughing and singing one of their father's favorite songs.

After they reached home, he promised himself to try to help the tiny dove, but for now his mind remained with his mother. Though she stayed behind, he found he could pick up her thoughts and movements once more.

When she could no longer see the bright golden hair of the youngest child, the woman turned her back. Her head swung heavily from side to side, listening for the sound she knew she would recognize. Suddenly she tensed, stood up tall and watched a thick grove of trees close to the top of the hill.

The huge brown paws came out first, followed by the rest of the bear who paused to sniff the air for a brief moment when he saw the woman a few yards away. At first he hesitated until the woman held out her hand. She stood her ground as the bear reared up on his hind legs, grasped her in his paws and, holding her close to his chest, lumbered down the hill to his cave.

The woman could see that the bear had prepared this resting place for the long winter ahead, and there was room for her beside him. Never mind that this was summer, for she still felt the numbing touch of winter around her heart.

Like a tired child, she curled up into a ball and moved as close as she could to his warm protective bulk. Her sigh was the only sound to disturb the ancient cave and even then, it came quickly and left just as quickly, as if afraid to trouble the gathering peace. Her fists tightened up under her chin and her eyelashes fell softly against her cheek. The woman slept, secure once again in her memory of love.

* * *

At home that evening, Robbie sat down at the old desk in his parents' bedroom and typed his mother's thoughts as he had heard them. When he finished, he let his fingers rest on the keys of the old typewriter and read what he had written. He would tell nobody about his mother's strange request. He remembered her sad eyes and whispered, "Be careful, Mother. Make sure you know your way back. We will be waiting for you." There was no answer. She was somewhere he could not follow.

Robbie smiled at his brothers who were pulling at his sleeves. "We're hungry. Let's make a special dinner for Mom. She'll be starving when she comes home," Joseph said.

"You're right. You can set the table for the four of us while I cook." When he moved back to the kitchen, he went directly to the cabinet. "I'll pour some wine in her special goblet." He held it up to the light and saw the glow once more. He knew that if he tapped the glass, he'd hear the lovely crystal sound of her laugh. The little bird had come home.